This weekend marked 12 weeks into my first proper off season, and after spending the best part of the last year in a deficit I can really say I’m feeling the benefit of the extra calories. Carbs are high, cardio is low and I’m hitting 5 training sessions a week. I’m starting to feel the off season struggle and the doubts are starting to creep in about my physique. Changes do not come about as fast as they do in prep, it’s really hard to see any gains and I’m constantly terrified I’m not making enough improvements to be competitive in my next show. Watching all the recent shows and the crazy high standard, it’s hard not to be worried but comparing myself to other competitors is a waste of my time and energy. All I can do is use the fear to drive me to do better in every aspect- nailing my macros day in, day out. Tweaks to poses to exaggerate angles. One more rep in the gym. Every variable. You can’t control success but you can control the work you put in. After my holiday/deload I started on a new training block with a focus on bringing my squat, bench & deadlift up to scratch. After hitting an all time deadlift PB 10 weeks out from competing with zero programming I’m really excited to see what I can do now with Llew on board. Starting off slow with a big focus on technique but the numbers are creeping up already and it feels good to be lifting ‘properly’ again. I’m still holding decent condition (abs are clinging on, and I’ve got more definition in my legs than I did on show day thanks to the hack squat/leg extension superset of death) and with a commitment to a solid 12 month push up of eating lots and training like a maniac, I can’t wait to see what I look like next time I get shredded.

I’m now approaching 9 weeks post-show and I’m really happy with how my off-season is going so far. Although I’m enjoying having a more relaxed attitude towards diet and training, I’ve never felt so driven towards my goal of PCA Welsh in 2020. Why? Simply put, that feeling of standing at the back of the stage in my first show, realising they weren’t going to call my number was soul crushing. I’ve never been so devastated, angry and upset about my placing in any competition before that. I’m not casting any doubt on the judges decision, but for me to put everything into this one day for the last 6 months just to make up numbers on stage and not place was horrible. Every single session I go into in the gym, that feeling honestly still lingers and I never, ever want to walk off stage feeling like that again. No time to lose focus now... eyes firmly on the prize (and some more post-show brownies). It’s hard seeing everyone on social media prepping for upcoming shows, but a long offseason is exactly what I need to come in the best I possibly can next time I compete. Incredibly happy with my last week of training before deload- hit a massive PB of 82.5x 3 on high bar squat (numbers I’ve never managed to reach on high or low bar) and 97.5 x3 RDL.

Another good week of training in the books. Rest has become massively important this week. As we carry on driving food up, training intensity increases and becomes harder to recover from. I had a busy week and although it didn’t hit me like it would have on prep (I wouldn’t have actually survived it on prep- a night out, dinner with the fam and adventures with the puppy plus quads, pull and cardio in one weekend? Not possible) I still really noticed how tired I felt and a couple of power naps were needed to get me through leg days (and the day after leg day... and the day after that). I didn’t really nap on prep because I was using an ECA stack and for the last few weeks I was just constantly full of manic, nervous energy all the time. I’m definitely making up for it now! I was particularly happy with Monday’s quad session, hitting 77.5x5 on high bar squat which I’d previously only managed low bar. Numbers on RDLs are approaching pre-show strength with much better execution. With a holiday coming up in a week we’ve driven up training intensity ready to deload while I’m away and come back fresh.

5 weeks into off season and I’m sitting at a solid stone over my stage weight. It’s not been linear (I put on half of it in the first week) and I think like most competitors it’s something I struggle with. I can tell myself until I’m blue in the face that I need to eat to grow, but watching my abs fade away isn’t fun! I’d said all the way through prep that I wanted to reverse diet out of it and I attempted it, but honestly found it really difficult. Having dieted for 6 months, cravings were through the roof and my body just wanted carbs 24/7. There was a constant voice in my head going ‘you’re not on prep any more, you’re allowed a piece of toast if you’re hungry’ except I could physically never stop at one.... I remember one time having a rice cake while I waited for my food to cook, then finishing the pack, having two pieces of toast, some cereal, another 4 pieces of toast, more cereal, and then eating a pack of welsh cakes as well. And then eating my chicken and rice. We’ve slowly brought calories back up, but with my, err, supplementation of Nutella and pick ‘n’ mix I’ve probably been in a surplus this whole time. Naturally I’m a little bit disappointed it’s not gone to plan, but I’m still looking the leanest I ever have at this weight so we’ve definitely made some improvements in body composition. This game is a marathon not a sprint- it’s easy to look at your favourite fitness influencer on the gram and start beating yourself up that you don’t look like them, but when I look back at the changes I’ve brought in the last year, I’m excited to see the package I’m going to bring next time I hit the stage if I just carry on ticking the boxes. Obviously with all the extra food, training motivation and performance is through the roof and it’s good to finally feel stoked in the gym again- although I miss the abs, I definitely don’t miss the prep feels! Been a really busy week so sleep and recovery definitely hasn’t been as good as it could be, but still managing to push performance each session and hit a few PBs for my hip thrusts and BB rows.